Letting Go

Hi friends,
Below is the transcript of a speech I delivered for my toastmasters
project. Actual delivered speech content is much reduced from this
transcript because of time constraints on actual delivery session.

Enjoy,


A man had a minor renovation work to be done in a room on the second
storey of his house. Being the clever DIY handyman, he was able to plan
and perform the work without engaging contractors, thereby saving money,
and have fun doing the job himself!

When the job was done, he had some bricks and a bag of unmixed cement
leftover. Putting on his thinking cap, he came up with another clever
idea to save him several trips up and down the stairs for removing these
from the room.

He fixed a simple pulley system, with a wheelbarrow and loaded the
barrow with the items. He went to the garden at ground floor and pulled
the connecting rope, lifting the barrow off the balcony floor of his
upper room.

What he miscalculated was that the combined weight of the barrow and its
contents was heavier than him. By the law of gravity, he went up, the
barrow came down. On his way up, the barrow knocked his ribcage,
bruising him with a sharp pain. The barrow continued downwards, he
continued upwards. Next thing he knew, his fingers was gripped by
pulley's groove, another an excruciating pain.

The resultant jerk tilted the barrow, emptying its content onto the soft
green lawn. Another problem now. The barrow was empty, and so lighter
than him. Again the law of gravity meant he goes down, barrow goes up.

On his way down, the barrow smashes into his right shin, suffering him
another bad painful knock. He continued tumbling right onto the
scattered pile of bricks, suffering minor cuts all over his body.

As he lay groaning, he absentmindedly released the rope. And down came
the barrow crashing onto his left leg.

He had held on to his safety line - the rope - for far too long. He had
let the rope go far too late.

Earlier today, I received an SMS from friend who informed me
that his wife had given birth to healthy baby girl. This was such joyous
news. It brought back memories of when my wife gave birth to our daughter.

While we hold our newborn babies delicately, and pretty much so for
their first year. We would be carrying the baby in our arms, in tender
embrace, shielding her from sun, rain and sometimes, even other people!

There will come a time, when we cannot be holding on to our baby, but we
must let her go, in order that she learns to walk. We can't embrace her,
nor hold her hands all the time, if we truly want her to learn to walk
on her own.

Letting go. And so it is with the relationships we have with our loved
ones, regardless of age. There's a saying "if you love something, let it
go. If it does not return to you, it really wasn't yours in the first
place. If it really belongs to you, it will return to you sooner or later."

My two children are now toddlers. They not only can walk, but they can
run! I know, sooner or later, they will be teenagers, and then they not
only will run, but they'll also want to fly. Fly away from the safety of
our nest every now and then. Much as I hope to keep them safe, shielded
from predators and the harsh environment out there, it will do them no
good, if they do not learn to take care of themselves, learn to mix with
good company in their own peer group. They must have the freedom to
learn, to grow, to experience, to live!

If they remain attached to our parental apron strings, they will forever
be in our shadows, never being able to be leaders, never learning about
self-responsibility, never knowing what it's like to face the
consequences of their actions on their own, because we the parents will
forever be shielding them, protecting them, hindering them.


Letting go. And so it is with our plans for our work involving
colleagues, subordinates or other people we outsourced to. The success
of every major work undertaken by many people is dependent on everyone,
each performing his best. To bring the best out of each person, there
must be certain amount of freedom and autonomy. Of course, freedom and
responsibility goes hand in hand, but that is another speech, for
another time and place.

A wise teacher once held a class in the open space. He asked his
students. "To achieve more success, do we have to be in control and
pursue active doing, taking, getting?"

Most of his students answered affirmative. Illustrating, he asked them
to grab as much sand with their right hand, by clenching their hands
into fists over the sand. And he instructed them to use the left hand,
keeping it open, and scoop at the sand, without clenching the fingers.
Moral? The more we hold on, the less we have. The more we let go, the
better the end results.

Heard of the way Javanese trap monkeys in the olden days? Monkeys were a
delicacy some decades ago, or even centuries, I'm not sure. The Javanese
would lay a trap, by boring a hole through a tree trunk, large enough
for a monkey's arms to reach in. Within the trunk, they would place
berries, nuts, and various small fruits. They purposely did the
laborious work of burrowing the trunk and placing the goodies in full
view of their targeted monkey victim.

Monkeys are curious. When the trapper leave to a safe distance away, the
monkey will, without fail, scamper to the burrowed hole, reach in and
grab the goodies. The trouble for the monkey, now being, its clenched
fist containing the goodies will now be too large to be withdrawn from hole.

The trapper can now walk up to monkey, put a rope around its neck. Too
late for the monkey now as it released the goodies from its hands and
withdrew its arm from the hole. It's too late! It is caught!

Letting go. It's easier said than done. It's something I have to learn,
because I am a control freak by nature. It's very difficult for me.

"Let go, and let God", a teacher exhorted me recently. Letting go is not
a single step. It's a journey. Letting go of loved ones, so they can
rise up and fly on their own. Letting go of my plans, so that others
involved can shine in their roles, so that everyone benefit from the
freedom and autonomy, which releases creativity, innovation and of
course brings about a higher probable rate of successful results.

I personally will like to believe success is measured by the number of
people I help to attain happiness, progress, satisfaction, or knowledge.
I will like to believe now, that success is not what nor how much I
have, but how many people I share my life with. Thus to me, if I truly
want to be successful, I must learn to let go of people, let go of my plans.

Letting go. The final letting go will be on my deathbed, telling myself
that I've done all there is God had wanted me to do. Having no regrets
over my life. Letting go and not hanging on to the last breath of life.
Letting go. To be free, to achieve, letting go.

Copyright, Brendan Ng, 11 May 2005.
Please retain this speech in its entirety, if you do forward it. This
speech reflects the ongoing agony and struggles I have for the past one
month. I'm still struggling.